What’s the problem?

There are a few reasons why couples might feel like they’re not having good sex. Bad sex education, unrealistic depictions in the media, shame around sexual dysfunction…the list is endless.

In 2007, Michael Metz and Barry McCarthy came up with “The ‘Good Enough Sex’ model for couple satisfaction.” They emphasize that satisfaction with one’s sex life is grounded in realistic physical, psychological, and relationship expectations. According to them, perfect sexual performance is self-defeating, and instead, we should adopt the “Good Enough Sex” model, which also recognizes the inherent variability of the quality of sexual encounters a couple experiences. It helps frame sex as a path to intimacy, pleasure, mutual emotional acceptance, playfulness, spiritual connection, and special bonding as opposed to solely for procreation.

Twelve dimensions of Good Enough Sex

1. Sex is a good element in life, an invaluable part of an individual’s and couple’s long-term comfort, intimacy, pleasure and confidence.

2. Relationship and sexual satisfaction are the ultimate developmental focus and are essentially intertwined.

3. Realistic, age-appropriate sexual expectations are essential for sexual satisfaction.

4. Good physical health and healthy behavioral habits are vital for sexual health.

5. Relaxation is the foundation for pleasure and function.

6. Pleasure is as important as function.

7. Realizing that sexual experiences will naturally vary and some will be better than others but that is totally normal and to be expected.

8. The five purposes for sex are integrated into the couple’s sexual relationship:

   • Reproduction.

   • tension and anxiety reduction.

   • sensual enjoyment and pleasure.

   • self-esteem and confidence.

   • relationship closeness and satisfaction.

9. Integrate and flexibly use the three sexual arousal styles:

   • Partner interaction.

   • Self-entrancement.

   • Role enactment.

10. Gender differences are respectfully valued and similarities mutually accepted.

11. Sex is integrated into real life and real life is integrated into sex. Sexuality is developing, growing and evolving throughout life.

12. Sexuality is personalized. Sex can be playful, spiritual, special.