Strengths and weaknesses

Our friend Kevin Patterson, author of the For Hire series and a guest on this very podcast before, did an interview series that asked the following questions:

• What aspects of polyamory do you excel at?

• What aspects of polyamory do you struggle with?

• How do you address and/or overcome them?

This episode covers identifying strengths and weaknesses in our relationships. Often, this takes lots of practice, as evaluating our own strengths and weaknesses can be difficult for a variety of reasons:

• We don’t see ourselves the way others see us.

• Our strengths might be something that comes easily to us, that we don’t view as a strength.

• We think about strength too narrowly, when we should be thinking about it broadly.

• Our weaknesses can also be our strengths in certain moments, i.e. persistence can be linked to stubbornness.

• Not comparing ourselves to others is difficult, and it’s hard to call something a strength if you feel someone else is better at it than you are.

Being aware

It’s critical to be aware of both your partner’s strengths and weaknesses in a relationship. According to a study published in Psychological Assessment, couples who have greater understanding and appreciation for each other’s strengths:

• Reported more satisfactory sex lives and relationships.

• Were more likely to feel as though their partners supported their goals and wanted them to grow as a person.

• Appreciated their own strengths better, experienced more intimacy, and were more fulfilled in their psychological needs for autonomy, competence, and relatedness.

• Discovered that seeing their partners’ strengths as an asset instead of looking for potential weaknesses also led to happier relationships.

Additionally, knowing each other’s weaknesses is important because:

• No matter how you try to hide them, weaknesses and bad habits will come out as the relationship progresses.

• Discussing each other’s weaknesses is a good opportunity to discover why they’re there in the first place and learn more about your partner.

• Knowledge of each other’s weaknesses allows for more grace and forgiveness when mistakes occur.

• You can help each other overcome them, and learning more about your partner builds intimacy.

Weaknesses exercise

1. Either individually or with a partner, write a list of all the things holding you back, both in life and relationships.

2. Try to change the wording of the thing that’s holding you back to a specific personal weakness.

3. Pick the five from your list that you feel best represent your weaknesses.

4. If you’re doing this with a partner, compare notes and see if you agree with each other.